Gratitude and friendship
Doing a favor can open a door to a new friendship
An Australian study by Lisa Williams and Monica Bartlett found that its participants who received a gratitude note were more likely to share their contact information for the purposes of continuing a relationship than those who received a simple acknowledgement note without gratitude. Receiving the thank-you note gave participants a sense of warmth and friendliness that led them to invest in trying to meet the unknown sender.
In a University of California Santa Barbara study, college sorority sisters were more likely to feel close to the older sisters who gave them gifts and who responded well to the little sisters’ appreciation. This closeness continued over time.
There’s a theory that animals, including humans, may perform favors for those who are not relatives in the hope that the favors will be returned down the road. Known as reciprocal altruism, the theory defines altruistic acts as those that involve effort or difficulty for the giver but do something good for the recipient. Studies have shown that chimpanzees also engage in this kind of reciprocity.
But whether you are the helpful altruist or the grateful recipient, the shared emotion is gratitude. This two-way beneficial relationship helps us identify the people who respond to our needs. We are then more likely to respond to their needs and thus to bond with them.
“Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.” – Harold S. Kushner
In her book, Letter to My Daughter, Maya Angelou writes, “A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.” It might take just one open door to find it.
Gratitude tips to keep in mind:
- Being thanked increases the recipient’s feelings of warmth toward the person thanking them.
- Thanking and being thanked can tighten the relationship between the two people.
- Humans are not the only animals that do favors and feel gratitude.
- Gratitude is an emotion shared by the giver and the recipient.
“A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.” – Maya Angelou